Where I’ve Been
Wow a lot has changed this week. I went back to work. Work has been something that has been weighing on me as I have been on furlough for so long. Was I going to have a job to go back to? Was I going to be unemployed? Those thoughts definitely scared me and I worried about them for several months. I think I was able to work through those feelings of worry and decided to focus on myself and what I wanted to do, which was start a blog. I’m sure you can tell that I love blogging and I 1000% want to continue to put myself out there and give great content to whoever is reading.
A few weeks ago I got the call to come back to work. And to all of those who don’t know me, I am a retail manager. That is what I have done for the last 4 years (I have worked a total of 10 years in retail). I am pretty sure I have said this, but I poured myself into my job. My work was my life. It was something I put as my top priority. To keep it short, it took me a long time to get to prioritizing what I value. And what I value is myself, my family and friends, my creativity, and I’m trying to value my time better. I thought if I kept my values at the top of my mind going back to work and still running my blog would work out in my favor.
Well this first week back at work was a wakeup call. Before I go further, I want to recognize all of the people who work a full-time job and still push themselves at the end of their day for their dreams and side hustles. After my first day back at work I was exhausted. And then I got nervous. If I am this tired after work, will I still have time for my blog? Then that became my biggest worry. I knew it would be hard trying to balance my morning routine, work and my blog but holy crap I slipped up really quick. I for whatever reason still thought I could easily do it. Once I realized it was going to be hard, I think I got down on myself for not being able to balance it all, which is totally ridiculous, because I have never had a full time job and also had something that I did on the side. But then I remembered that when I was finishing up my degree, I was going to school full time and working full time (and being a temporary supervisor at different stores in the area). Even though it’s not totally the same thing I am more than capable of balancing two major things happening in my life. It’s going to be a lot and probably hard at times, but I know that I can do anything I set my mind to. Now what about the times I feel so exhausted?
It’s okay if I mess up or need to put something on hold to relax. We are all human and deserve rest to be at our best for ourselves. I think this is so important to remember because that was the main feeling of guilt I had. I wanted to rest instead of take photos or make blog content and I got so upset with myself. But why?? I am doing the best I can in the new situation I am in. Taking time to relax my brain and body are essential to my mental health and motivation. I have to remind myself to take it easy, find a solution, and then keep doing the things I feel passionate about.
What I want to leave you all with is this: don’t get down on yourself if you are not succeeding at first with something you have never done before. Sit down, take some deep breaths or meditate, and figure out a solution to move forward. If I can do this, I know you can too. It will only be sweeter in the end when you are seeing growth within yourself. You know the hard work it took and the obstacles you had to overcome to get where you are today. Have faith and grace within yourself, always.